yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
