somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
