Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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