you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
