I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
