I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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