sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The air was thick with penises
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
