I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
