no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
