I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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