Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
