I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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