ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
