someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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