new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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