their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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