He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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