I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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