Yo dont text me then not text me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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