Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Your cock deserves a montage
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
