ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There's always time for handjobs
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Randomize
