I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I fill condoms, not promises.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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