I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
