So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
