I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
