I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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