Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
