he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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