walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize