I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize