i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
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