Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I supernannyed him into submission
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
