I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
