we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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