You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
