Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
