Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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