I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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