you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
