Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Who wears a wallet chain?!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
