Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
