Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
