so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
