Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
