What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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