you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
When are your genitals available?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
