the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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