If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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