For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
