The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
