That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The Olympian is in my bed
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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