I wish i was in the wii world.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
