i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
