you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
