i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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