i may or may not be watching the land before time
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
home. puking in laundry basket.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
