Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
