you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
