I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
