is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
