Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
