After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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