Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
