if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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