my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
