I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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