It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize