Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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