Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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