I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize