I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Randomize
