Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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