I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
