my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
