Dual....:-)
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
