Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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