I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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