Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
