do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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