I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
