We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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