You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
