I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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