i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
