Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
