NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
