He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize