A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
