I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
