You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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