Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
