Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
