did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
