You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
