its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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