I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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