I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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