I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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