I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
