my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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