my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
