why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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