My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
