you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
