It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
