if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
