so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Its about making memories worth repressing
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
