..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
