I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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