hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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