you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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