so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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