new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
