that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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