I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
